šRomanticising Commitment -Issue 211
Hi, I am JOE and I write on "Mindful Productivity & Cerebral Happiness". My endeavour is to share life lessons, some thoughts, quotes & links to articles/podcasts/books, I discover during the week.
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This week I thought of writting on a topic which is very much relevant in rapidly changing time. You can straight way dive into šļø it and see what you can take away from it ;
1. As soon as we gain our own identity and find out feet stable on ground, we start making binary decision on whether to allow someone to let-in or let-go. We have these kind of relationship with almost everything at different point in time. For example a long time ago, I started writting a long time ago and to honour my commitment to myself , I had to read every day, create opportunity to find time and get back to it. Over the years, my reading frequency increased with the years gone by. I had found that books were a place for me to temporarily deposit my consciousness and retrieve it upon completion. This habit became so much more pleasurable than being in my own mind. I was a hungry and discerning reader. I wanted more, all the time. And with time to write a book became one of my future plan. It is obvious in hindsight that doing so fundamentally changed the way I related to books.
Knowledge inevitably affects enjoyment, even as it deepens it. And probably that's why people say ignorance is bliss.
2. All of this, of course, is a great analogy for relationships. In the beginning, you meet someone you like and youāre just completely overwhelmed by the experience of them. How they talk, how beautiful they are, how miraculous it is that they exist. Then you get to know them and you start to see their flaws. And then you start to put it all togetherāthis is why they have this habit, this is why they are neurotic in this particular way, this is how they use their phone. You think you know it all, and then they do something that utterly surprises you, and then you think: maybe I donāt know them at all.
3. In the beginning, there is this thing, I often call it an āanesthetic qualityā to finding something you really enjoy. You throw yourself into it, it takes you out of yourself. You stop thinking. And then as your relationship with it deepens, you gain a new consciousness that is not purely pleasurable. Itās mixed: both bitter and sweet. That knowledge is the price for deeper intimacy with the object of your affections. Trust me, not everyone enjoys that knowledge.
4. I have realised that writers are exceptional at romanticizing pain, but I wonder if they are exceptional at romanticizing commitment. When I was a kid, I was so dismayed by the way all the adults I knew talked about love. I decided they must be bad at it, and I would be better. But there was no way for me to have a right education on it, there is no curriculum on it and neither it is encouraged in any way to get curious on it. Finally, it's left to you and (only you) to find your literature and improve on the go and have your own defination of it.
To me, love is the thing we turned our resonance into through years of conversation and care. Showing up after every obstacle, after every hard conversation and making space for the love of words to come. Allowing someone to be comfortable with their vulnerabilities or allow them to win an argument and letting her or him to grow with you in coexistence.
ā¦.
Love is like this for me. To some extent, It is about attraction or good feelings or needing someone but essentially it is a way of showing up for others with care and curiosity. And you do it for several years instead of a few minutes.
Joe
5. There are times you meet or date someone who seemed almost constitutionally incapable of being happy. Because you loved her or him, you want to make them happy. But they couldnāt accept you the way you were. You had momentarily thought of bringing change in yourself to find the happiness together but without complete acceptance of other person, it's just not possible to be happy together. It takes time and it has taken me a long time to start eating my shadow. And the thing that made it possible, of course, was being seen and still being loved. Discomfort is the price of intimacy and it would be fair to say that what I feel for someone just simple and pure love and that person may not. That person may be complicated in the way I am complicated. But I canāt and wonāt reject her or his complexity because I have learned to accept and coexist.
6. When you really understand something, itās hard to have illusions. But Iāve found something better than what Iād imagined - simply Romanticize the Commitment.
Take good care & hope you have enjoyed reading this week's dose of āMindful Productivity & Cerebral Happinessā.
Joe
ā¤ļø š§ Few things in which I stayed invested during the weekš§¤š§¤
ARTICLE/BLOG POST -
ā”ļø ( Why Westerner are preferring to raise their children in India ).
š§ Book, Iām Currently Reading:-ššā¬ļø
The Piano Tuner - By Daniel Masion
šŗ What Iām Currently Watching:
Secrets We Keep on NETFLIX
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