đTHE 'WORK-OF-ART MINDSET' FOR BETTER RELATIONSHIP - Issue 133
Hi, I am JOE and I write on "Mindful Productivity & Cerebral Happiness". My endeavour is to share life lessons, some thoughts, quotes & links to articles/podcasts/books, I discover during the week .
Hey Friends
In case you missed my LAST EDITION on âđA PRACTICAL RESOLUTION FOR the YEAR 2023? - Issue 132, then you can read it here. And if you are not a subscriber and want to become a patron of this newsletter, you can do this before diving into this weekâs âSUNDAY REATZOâ. This way you can support my work and will get a âProductivity Plannerâ worth $25 absolutely free.
Well, this week was one of the most productive week I have had in recent times. I could do many things in a given setting. To take a time off from my work and spend time in solitude was an icing on the cake.
During the week, I was pondering upon few random thoughts and realised that âSolitude Esacpesâ, do need a roboust support system around you from families and loved ones. And, I find myself very fortunate on the better side of this equation.
Personally, I believe that we do not give enough cedit to those who not only extend their support but also encourage us to take âMe times offââ. And, I would like to give away a shout-out for my beloved wife for letting me to-do what I like doing for myself and whole heartily give her support from time to time & this solitude outing is one of such thing.
People do say that having respect for each-other is the key and I do agree to some extent, however this is not the whole equation. To me, communicaion is a relational process for creating, understanding and interpreting the core values, identities & beliefs of our life comapanions.
Instant intimacy is a myth. Relationships take time to develop. Relationships develop in gradual fashion and the best path to intimacy is through mutual self-disclosure.Â
I do believe that âplanned freedom on cartain times at every levelâ in a relationship strengthen our connection. It helps us to view your relationship as a âwork-of-artâ that two of us are co-creating together, in a real-time.
The work-of-art mindset can help to counter the pessimistic self-narrative. Instead, you get to stop thinking about yourself and purposefully think about what youâre gaining or losing in your relationship. And just doing this is not enough, it is equally vital that you have to think about what you have to offer for itâs betterment.
Few things which comes to my mind and I like to do :-
đGet curious about how you act
Try to observe your actions and strive to understand the reasons behind them. Finding love is about a crystal clear understanding of what love is not?.
The way out is to have insight into what role you are playing in a relationship.Your life companion will also have a chance to get to know you, and together you can break the pattern to sabotage your meanigful togetherness.
đRelationship Apocalypse
When you are in a relationship. Think about those four horsemen of the relationships apocalypse: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling and how often do you exhibit any of them. Just look out for these ones seriously :-
Criticism: is staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner.
Defensiveness:Â responding to relationship issues by counter-attacking or whining or high pitched cry.
Contempt:Â acting like you are a better person than they are.
Stonewalling:Â shutting down or tuning out.
đShow Admiration
Admiration is about the story you tell yourself about your life companion. Those who are masterâs of their relationships certainly see their partners as better than they really are. The others see their partners as worse than they really are and induge in direct self- sabotaging it.
đThe "Story Of Us"
The best predictor of relationship success is how you and your partner tell your âstory of us.â Ask yourself ?-
Do you focus on the ânegative aspectsâ or on the âpositive onesâ?Â
Do you present your partner in a good light or in a bad light in your personal or social gatherings with frinds Or families ?
đConversation
It is the most important part of a relationship. How you start those serious relationship discussion predict where the conversations are going. Start off positive, calm, committed, optimistic and do believe in the sincierty of the other person .
Take good care & enjoy reading your weekly dose of cerebral happiness! And if you liked it then do not hesitate
Joe
đ-Snippets of Value for the Week
WHAT IâM READING - Astrophysics For People In A Hurry By Neil Degrasse Tyson
WHAT IâM LISTING - Plainly Speaking By Merle Miller
ARTICLE - Against Ambition, this article highlights ambition as a word holds ambiguity. Itâs our intention that drives us to succeed in our endeavor. I recommend checking this blog post.
Practical thought beautifully put in words! The four horsemen of the relationships apocalypse you are talking about: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling are applicable to almost all, only the degree varies. Till the time the degree of the mentioned apocalypse is with in limits, it's good and keep you lively. Only when it crosses the certain level or degree, it starts creating problem and thereafter the point of no return is not far off. Therefore, keeping the mentioned apocalypse in limits is not only desirable, but a mandatory requirement to keep the relationship going.
Infact, without them, life may be boring, so to keep it natural & live, these apocalypse are required, but in Controlled quantities. If these are not there, then you are either a perfect match or the other person has surrenderd himself or herself to the other so called better half.
THODI NOKE-JHONKE, THODA PAYAR, CHALTE RAHO ZINDGI MEIN MERE YAAR.
A very good practical write-up considering all possible aspects. đ to you